Text
May 25, 2012
0 comments

My life in emails

Note: I am professional, academic staff. I have 3 master’s degrees and about 10 years’ experience. Names have been redacted to protect the innocent and frequently frustrated.

Email #1, from my boss to me:

 

Reply #1, from me to my boss:

Email #2, from my boss to me:

(Note the super-helpful highlighting. Lest I not understand what “yes, please do.” refers to.)

Email #3, from my boss to me, about an hour later:

And SCENE. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should probably start getting ready for this 2-minute video (2 minutes TOPS) that I may be asked to record in a month or so. It’s a good thing she reminded me to do so. Lord knows I can’t speak intelligently about the resources and services we offer without extensive preparation and a detailed outline, despite the fact I do just that in every one of the classes I teach. Seeing as it’s my job.

Tags: RAGE

Chat
May 19, 2012
0 comments
35,942 notes
  • Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
  • Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
  • Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
  • Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
  • Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
  • Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
  • Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
  • Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
  • Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
  • Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
  • Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
  • Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
  • Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
  • Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
  • Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
  • Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
Photo
May 14, 2012
0 comments
401 notes
Please and thank you.

Please and thank you.

(Source: i-u-d-s-i-s, via keepyourboehneroutofmyuterus)

Photoset
May 03, 2012
0 comments
113,757 notes

At work, I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to wear any sandals or open-toed shoes over the summer because it seems that someone accidentally tore off a toenail once several years ago. Also, if I see that anyone’s desk is disorganized, I really need to report that to higher-ups immediately.

Must go home now. I’ll figure out what I’m going to list on my weekly report (you know, reporting everything I did this week, because stuff) tomorrow morning.

(Source: sleazypete, via lemonlemonlemon)

Tags: kill me now

Photo
May 02, 2012
0 comments
1 note
Exactly.

Exactly.